we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
