he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
