just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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