I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize