fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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