I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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