Whod you bang
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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