she was so not down for the gang bang
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
