Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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