she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
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we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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