Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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