In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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