so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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