the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
