Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You're like the curious george of whores
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
