i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
