come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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