speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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