My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize