Plan B is the new Plan A
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
