It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
