I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
