my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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