why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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