I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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