Where is the hickey?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
