Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
