Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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