Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
