Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
