I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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