Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize