This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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