He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
