so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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