I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
