and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
