Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
