My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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