I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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