Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
