and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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