I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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