he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
