I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
