took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
they're like a gay fantastic four
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
