i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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