i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
