I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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