At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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