cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
