When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
