You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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