At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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