i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
