im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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