Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize