....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
only if we run a train.
done.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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