We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
