Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize