I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
In America we eat man semen.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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