Your mouth is God's brothel.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
