i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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