If that was your dad, he is hot
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
