But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
