Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
