we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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