Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
