After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
