Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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