Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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